He uses pillows to masturbate.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
