so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
