I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
