Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
