Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
