Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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