went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
