i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
