I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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