that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
