I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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