New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Drake has all the answers
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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