Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
