So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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