we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
