In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
