Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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