Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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