then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
