I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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