I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
