My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just saw a hot homeless man
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
