i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
