ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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