I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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