I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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