my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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