make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
