I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We got so high we made milksteak
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
