Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
