you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
