So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
