At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
