Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
