I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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