My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
