You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
