When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
