I can tuck mytits in my pants
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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