Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
