SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
