i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
