you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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