i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
