I accidentally burped into my bong.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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