I'm going to jail i love you
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
