she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
