i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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