Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
