New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
