Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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