the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
