He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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